who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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