I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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