saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
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What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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