So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
