i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
