I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm having to shit out rocks
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
