We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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