So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
