I want to have your abortion
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
