Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
