I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
