I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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