Christians are straight up FREAKS
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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