There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
