so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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