no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
