My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Nicole vs. Life
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
