I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
