There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
