I swear she didn't look like that last week.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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