he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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