what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
