At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Floor bacon is actually really good
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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