jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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