Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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