My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
