is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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