my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
