So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
