But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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