I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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