Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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