So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
