Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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