think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
