He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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