So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
