i can't believe i had my finger in that
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
