Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
