In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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