i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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