And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
