Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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