I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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