I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
this beer tastes like vomit already
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My vagina just clenched in fear
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