sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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