We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
