Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
