Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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