my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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