Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
