Define "chronic" masturbator.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
