sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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