is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
