Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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