Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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