9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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