3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
