I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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