Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The air taste purple.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
