someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
