I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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